So when I was dating one thing I hated was chatting forever. For some reason the American guys just loved to chat, British guys where not as bad. While chatting is fun I have watched Catfish and when I was a teenager I could sleep on the phone but when I was in my thirties I just wanted to meet, see if it's real or not so I could either start planning the wedding or continue searching (lol).
Figuring out the appropriate timing can be tricky especially if you are not sure what your potential date's expectations and preferences regarding pace and timing. It is very important to ask your potential to talk tour potential date about the pace they want to take and respect their decision. Just because you are ready does not mean that they are. While there are many reasons people could be putting off meeting in person, it is important to remember that meeting sooner rather than later will not only increase the chances of having a successful date, but also save you from disappointment.
So when is the right time to meet? Figuring out the appropriate timing can be tricky especially if you are not sure what your potential date's expectations and preferences regarding pace and timing. It is very important to ask your potential to talk tour potential date about the pace they want to take and respect their decision. Just because you are ready does not mean that they are. There is no perfect right way, but it is key to have integrity with your word, be honest and upfront about expectations, and weed out people who you have no intention of meeting.
Also remember it is not everyone you meet online that you need to go on a date with. Pay attention into how someone treats you online aids you in making smart decisions about meeting or screening out a potential date.
Here are four strategies to guide you in determining if and when you should meet someone in person:
1. Google them
My husband still laughs at how I asked him for a picture of his driving license on our first date. He send it to me and it had everything I needed to do a background check. I know I was a bit too much but I have watched enough Crime Investigation. My husband is not into social media and his name was only bringing up stuff from his school and college days. It’s not that I didn't trust him but me safety always came first. I really advise you to do some research on your potential date before meeting up. Social media is always a good start. There also some website you can use to search if they have any criminal records or convictions.
2. Safety First
Your safety has to come first. Pay attention to red flags and be safe and smart when planning first dates. Pay attention to how someone communicates with you online. If a potential date is disrespectful of your boundaries or obsessive these are major red flags. A date is exciting but always take your safety into consideration when planning dates. Meet in a public place for the first time. Do not go to anyone's house or invite your date into your home. Drive, get an Uber or a bus but do not let your date pick you up. Please remember that your date is a stranger even if you have been chatting online for months.
3. Meet sooner rather than later
Research has shown that daters who wait too long to meet in person risk developing inaccurate expectations and therefore increasing the chances of flopping the date. A recent survey of online daters also found those who meet relatively early are more likely to accept the minor differences between their expectations and reality. If your research stacks up and you’re feeling confident and secure about meeting in person, then suggest meeting sooner rather than later. Meeting sooner has some advantages. You could feel that spark, or not, within as little as fifteen minutes of meeting someone in person compared to over fifteen days of carefully worded emails online. From there, you can see how if you want to continue investing your time and energy into them or not.
4. Make sure you are comfortable
I hate rules regarding meeting, marriage or even having sex. There is no right or wrong when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe it is most important to assess your own comfort level and make decisions that you are comfortable with. We are all very different while some people are comfortable meeting with little prior online communication, some people only feel comfortable meeting after a phone call plus messaging, and some people expect weeks of continuous contact before meeting. Although you can learn a lot about someone through online or phone communication, the true test of real chemistry and attraction is to spend time together in person.
5. Don’t allow anyone to waste your time
As you may have already figured I am not a big fan of texting back and forth but what I hated was guys that would bring up meeting up and never act on it. It’s one thing to take your time getting to know each other by messaging back and forth prior to date planning, but it’s a bad sign if going on a date is brought up but no action is taken and plans to meet aren’t materializing. Please be respectful by not leaving potential dates hanging and wondering if you are ever going to actually meet. If you ask someone on a date plan it and confirm it. Pick a time, place and location. And if you are being asked respond and confirm asap. Don't allow people to waste your time and don't waste people's time either.
Online dating can be complicated, but do your best to follow your gut, pay attention to those red flags. Above all, have fun, be smart and know your worth and remember not every date will be a partner some will be great friends.
Figuring out the appropriate timing can be tricky especially if you are not sure what your potential date's expectations and preferences regarding pace and timing. It is very important to ask your potential to talk tour potential date about the pace they want to take and respect their decision. Just because you are ready does not mean that they are. While there are many reasons people could be putting off meeting in person, it is important to remember that meeting sooner rather than later will not only increase the chances of having a successful date, but also save you from disappointment.
So when is the right time to meet? Figuring out the appropriate timing can be tricky especially if you are not sure what your potential date's expectations and preferences regarding pace and timing. It is very important to ask your potential to talk tour potential date about the pace they want to take and respect their decision. Just because you are ready does not mean that they are. There is no perfect right way, but it is key to have integrity with your word, be honest and upfront about expectations, and weed out people who you have no intention of meeting.
Also remember it is not everyone you meet online that you need to go on a date with. Pay attention into how someone treats you online aids you in making smart decisions about meeting or screening out a potential date.
Here are four strategies to guide you in determining if and when you should meet someone in person:
1. Google them
My husband still laughs at how I asked him for a picture of his driving license on our first date. He send it to me and it had everything I needed to do a background check. I know I was a bit too much but I have watched enough Crime Investigation. My husband is not into social media and his name was only bringing up stuff from his school and college days. It’s not that I didn't trust him but me safety always came first. I really advise you to do some research on your potential date before meeting up. Social media is always a good start. There also some website you can use to search if they have any criminal records or convictions.
2. Safety First
Your safety has to come first. Pay attention to red flags and be safe and smart when planning first dates. Pay attention to how someone communicates with you online. If a potential date is disrespectful of your boundaries or obsessive these are major red flags. A date is exciting but always take your safety into consideration when planning dates. Meet in a public place for the first time. Do not go to anyone's house or invite your date into your home. Drive, get an Uber or a bus but do not let your date pick you up. Please remember that your date is a stranger even if you have been chatting online for months.
3. Meet sooner rather than later
Research has shown that daters who wait too long to meet in person risk developing inaccurate expectations and therefore increasing the chances of flopping the date. A recent survey of online daters also found those who meet relatively early are more likely to accept the minor differences between their expectations and reality. If your research stacks up and you’re feeling confident and secure about meeting in person, then suggest meeting sooner rather than later. Meeting sooner has some advantages. You could feel that spark, or not, within as little as fifteen minutes of meeting someone in person compared to over fifteen days of carefully worded emails online. From there, you can see how if you want to continue investing your time and energy into them or not.
4. Make sure you are comfortable
I hate rules regarding meeting, marriage or even having sex. There is no right or wrong when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe it is most important to assess your own comfort level and make decisions that you are comfortable with. We are all very different while some people are comfortable meeting with little prior online communication, some people only feel comfortable meeting after a phone call plus messaging, and some people expect weeks of continuous contact before meeting. Although you can learn a lot about someone through online or phone communication, the true test of real chemistry and attraction is to spend time together in person.
As you may have already figured I am not a big fan of texting back and forth but what I hated was guys that would bring up meeting up and never act on it. It’s one thing to take your time getting to know each other by messaging back and forth prior to date planning, but it’s a bad sign if going on a date is brought up but no action is taken and plans to meet aren’t materializing. Please be respectful by not leaving potential dates hanging and wondering if you are ever going to actually meet. If you ask someone on a date plan it and confirm it. Pick a time, place and location. And if you are being asked respond and confirm asap. Don't allow people to waste your time and don't waste people's time either.
Online dating can be complicated, but do your best to follow your gut, pay attention to those red flags. Above all, have fun, be smart and know your worth and remember not every date will be a partner some will be great friends.
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